Hard questions about soft things.

In the aftermath of the festive season, I sat in search of inspiration for topics for this blog, and as I flipped through all kinds of channels and forums, I came across yet another community ‘The Sex Talk’ on Reddit..

One of the most popular questions is "why can’t I get it up during sex."

Literally, the most asked question with no legitimate answers. (Pills aside). As in: “What to do about it? What helps? What do you like/don’t like?” Because the stigma is that "it should happen by itself". And if it doesn't then that's all there is to it. There has already been a sex life in this life, so ‘ce la vie’, men seem to go on and convince themselves that this is normal.

I see and hear stories all the time along the lines of  "we met, he didn't get it up and that was the end, without any further attempts."

Now. What do I have to say about that:

   1#) Erection problems can happen at any age. It’s far from the truth that a young man always has a hard-on. I have seen a soft erection in men aged 17 and 23. I had a friend who was 20 years old and completely serious, without any irony, argued with me that the morning erections was just a myth. "Lexi, it doesn't exist," he said. "The 'morning glory' disappears after 14-15 years. You're a smart girl; how could you believe such nonsense?" For context, I had made a cheap joke, and he decided to enlighten me.

For me personally, for years a foreplay was not about my arousal, but about "how to catch and fix this elusive boner so that it does not fall before I climb it." All my life I’ve had sex with guys that are more or less my age. I have never had a man with an age difference of more than 5 years. I’ve seen so many erection problems that when I finally stumbled upon a roly-poly cock, I couldn't believe my luck. I mean, can you go again right now?! What?? And again? Seriously? Are you kidding? You didn't take viagra? This is really ALL just you? I was like a kid in a candy store, wow!

There is certainly no correlation between "It’s hard in your 20’s, then it’s soft later in life "! But there is a correlation with the level of stress, lifestyle, substances abuse, excess weight and alcohol consumption in large quantities. And of course the hormones.

Let's dive deeper.

 

   2#) IMO various forms of masturbation are the key to success. It is possible to retrain the brain a new pattern - all public forums about female orgasms preach about this, but this also applies to males. Do not ONLY masturbate the way you used to from the age of 12. Add a variety. And variety does not need to mean "more aggressive"! Too often, in the comments the advice is: hard porn and an intense vigor. This might work, but not always. Actually sometimes slowing down will have more effect. You won't know, you just have to try. I’ve often come across men who try to rip their penis off with super-aggressive masturbation and then those men face erection problems in sex, because the usual stimulation is not enough. If a man has been a fan of vigorous masturbation for years, well then, of course, the ordinary feeling of a vagina during sex is not enough.

 

   3#) My third advice, infuriates many for some reason, but in practice it really works: if the dick 🍆 becomes limp in a condom, try to masturbate with a condom on beforehand. Seriously. Get used to the material, the difference in sensitivity, try to understand whether something needs tweaking in the familiar pattern, rhythm and / or pressure. Obviously not everything will work out the first time around, but it is better to waste a pack of inexpensive condoms for experiments, than to play the “yes, I have time to pull it out” card and “okay, I didn’t get it up, thank you all, everyone is free, sex is canceled for today.”

 

   4#) Number four, and I’m so ready to shout this from all of the roof tops. COCK RINGS. Many men still consider this some sort of mockery tool. Like “why would you antagonize the half dead”, right? But there is nothing to be ashamed of. The cock ring is a very useful and greatly underestimated male toy. It props up the cock, fixes the condom in place, hands are free. And isn’t it what we all want?

They don’t have to be cheap and nasty. Nowadays there are many options from different materials, sizes and additional functions. You don’t have to take the first thing that comes up on google, research a bit, read the reviews or watch the unpacking videos.

It’s a great way to make your 🍆 look and feel better.

 

   5#) The next misconception is, “if my partner (especially the new one) sees that I am doing something to achieve an erection, and it’s not "by it itself", she will laugh at me and see me as a lesser man. I get it, that the first time with a new person is always unnerving. For both of you actually.

Firstly, everything that I described above has potential risks, but it also shows that you are a mature and capable person. And it is much better than expecting your partner to twerk and jerk and hope that everything will work. And if not, then back luck. As a man, you can take control of the situation.

Secondly, if you are worried that you had a long break from actual sex and you need more time and a specific type of stimulation, then speak up, talk about it. That’s again a very normal behavior for a mature person. But please without any excuses “‘oh this never happened to me before you”. However if you are being condemned and ridiculed for doing so, then do not sleep with morons. Simple. Fuck them! *No pun intended ;)

Lexi, XX