All For Threesomes!

Less-Monogamy
     One way people often speak about “spicing it up” is a threesome. Let’s face it someone you know has had group sex unless you're in an incredibly restricted community. Whether its a threesome, foursome, gangbang, sex party or even watching or being watched.  Group sex is becoming more discussed, and even more visible with younger celebrities such as youtube persona Tana Mongeau who recently married fellow YouTuber, Jake Paul. Tana previously had a” trouble” with actress Bella Thorne and artist Mod Sun. Tana and Jake, after their wedding publicly invited Noah Cyrus (Miley's little sister) to come join them at any time. Even Angelina Jolie went on the record stating “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other.” Clearly “pop” culture is opening up to the idea of being less strict on monogamy. 

Group sex is scientifically "normal"
     A study published in 2016 in The Archive of Sexual Behavior interviewed 274 heterosexual individuals aged 18-24. Researchers found that 13% of people’s early sexual experiences included a mixed-gender threesome(MGT, either male-male-female or female-female-male). For those yet to experience a threesome, there was desire in 64% of participants. Lack of motivation or opportunity were the main obstacles followed by contextual variables. Men remained interested regardless of the third person status preferring friends or acquaintances rather than strangers. While women preferred to familiar people only if they were the third person (the unicorn). When a romantic partner was involved they preferred strangers.  
     Men disproportionately claim that they have had a threesome over women,  they may be with women or men older than the ones surveyed or they may also be lying. Men also are more likely to have purchased sexual services, and therefore may have also had to option to buy the experience of a threesome. On the whole, the results suggested that “young people are not judgemental about others engaging in MGT’s but are not highly motivated to do so themselves.”
     For those that have “expanded” their relationship, “experimented with a third” or “found a unicorn” congratulations. But what if your partner approaches you about a threesome or you want to ask them for one? Understand that this is totally normal! Fears around threesomes may stem from tension around romantic interest being given to another, is there relationship stress, could this be seen as an out or a way of slowly de-escalating the relationship? Before taking the next step these sort of fears must be put to rest. You must communicate with your partner and let them know you want to enjoy your sexual fantasies with them- to grow, develop and explore together. 
     Rather than taking this as an insult, view it as them wanting to share more with you. Just because someone wants to add a threesome to their sexual resume doesn’t mean they want to cheat. Think of threesomes as the male equivalent of a pamper day, a shopping spree and a girls night combined. Guys want to get explorative with their couple and they hope they do too. Sometimes they approach the topic the wrong way and it does create fears. 

What to discuss:
     Establish boundaries! Will the third be a guy or girl, A random,  known acquaintance or sex worker? Are you allowed to kiss them? What kinds of dirt talk and pet names are acceptable? Remember the person that initially wanted the threesome might not be the one who enjoys it the most. Understand that there is always a degree of risk, If you’re single and have a threesome, feelings may develop, having a threesome might be what makes your relationship stronger, cause it to disintegrate or “migrate” into something else entirely. 
     Figure out what you want the threesome for, will it be on an anniversary or birthday? Will it be a spur of the moment thing? Is your partner Bi-curious? Are you looking to explore together? Think about your motivation here. Be able to communicate what you want and why you want it. Be open to discussing what fears are around having a threesome. View this talk as a “trial run” for the threesome, some people may say they are interested “someday” but when asked further realise they wouldn’t be okay with sharing. It’s better to discuss these things in detail, even if they are uncomfortable as acting too soon and dealing with the consequences can be even more painful. Always be sure one party isn’t pressuring the other party into their fantasy, that both parties are willing to explore together. 

Who to ask:
     Who is the right person? That starts with who you would be comfortable seeing after. Often we try and find someone who wouldn’t affect our daily life, primary relationship or sexual health. Whether that's a friend who turns up at big parties but not birthdays, a neighbour, a random from a bar, workmates or someone at the gym. This person can be anywhere. The key isn't to create a mental checklist, but to be open to new opportunities while still playing it safe. Someone you may think is perfect in theory might get cold feet. Someone unexpected could become your dirty little secret. It’s usually the right situation, rather than the right person.

Have rules, but be flexible. 
     Decide. Rules. Ahead. Of. Time. This is one situation you can’t just feel it out, you need to set solid rules in place that need to be respected such as no kissing and making sure to share the attention and not focus just on the new lover. Be flexible in the moment, as you can always ask for permission to escalate something more, but know the limits and know that it's better to start small, with the possibility of another threesome than to go hard and that be your last threesome with your partner. Lines you thought you wouldn’t cross may seem okay during the moment, but they need to be expressed to everyone involved.  Be careful though as you might be horny during the moment and encourage your partner to kiss the other person, then regret it later and feel as though you cannot say anything as you did encourage it. If anything like this does happen immediately discuss with them that while you did encourage the rule to be broken, you realise in hindsight you prefer the rule to be reinstated. It’s best to stick to your rules for the first few times while you safely enjoy your new sexual experience together. 

Come prepared.
     Bring a vibrator, lots of condoms, lube. wipes and pillows. Sometimes drinks beforehand to loosen up might be a good idea. Chance of oral? Perfect shower ahead of time or even shower together. It’s a great idea to have snacks, a movie or bath on hand to wind-down after together and chill. 

Don’t think too much, stick to your rules and jump in.
     Try not to overthink this one, I'm sure you have masturbated to it enough times. Just let go and enjoy yourself, focus on the sensations, watch your partner enjoying themselves. Start slow, maybe with the third party watching before joining in? Maybe start by touching each other's bodies and exploring. Don’t get too caught up in your head - the moment has come just enjoy it. 

Aftercare
     SERIOUSLY. Make sure you have something prepared for post-threesome. Water on hand, a snack or meal, run a lovely bath for everyone, spoon and watch a movie. Make sure there are options available for the cool down or it might get awkward fast and ruin an otherwise delightful experience. 

Go forth and have a threesome, foursome or sex party. 
     While there is planning involved in threesomes, others can be completely spontaneous. Either way, take a deep breath and move forward. If you realise a threesome sounds too much for you, that's a-okay. We must be true to ourselves and our partners Make sure you both want to explore together. 
     If you are worried, a lot of the girls in our three parlours are happy to offer threesome support services from watching to being an extra set of hands, the centrepiece and more. When you have found the level of play you’re comfortable with maybe starting with an expert would be a good call. 
Lexi, XX