How to perform Sensate Focus.
Today we will expand upon our explanation of Sensate focus by giving an introductory how-to guide on how to perform sensate focus as well as receive it. Make sure to go through these steps one at a time for each partner before moving on to get you really aware of each other.
Step 1: Non-Genital Touching
Masters and Johnson ask for patterns to first get undressed together. One lies down to receive the touching with the other responsible for giving. The one receiving must focus on the sensations they are feeling. They should not reciprocate, comment or attempt to turn this touching into a sexual encounter. There is no boob massage and if you’re doing each other's back, it's definitely not a booty massage.
The partner responsible for touching is free to explore the entirety of their partner's body, except for the genitals. Masters and Johnson explain that “because starting can be awkward, some prefer to begin at one spot on the body—say, the neck or feet—and work their way up or down from there. Others don’t need a definite plan of action and simply explore the various textures and temperatures and contours of their partners’ body without any preconceived idea of how they will proceed.”
Rather than focusing on the genitals, both must focus on the sensations they are individually experiencing. They are not giving their partner a massage, they are living through their fingertips. Imagine, if you may, that you are blind and exploring your partner's body for the first time just through touch. Get to know your partner's body, every nook and cranny - but remember only second base, no genital touching.
Step 2: Genital Touching
The second step begins like the first but is more advanced and sexually-orientated. Moving on from the body we begin to include the breasts and genitals. This is the sexual part of sensate focus. Enjoy yourself, but don't get carried away, it's not about pleasure, just feeling.
There is a technique used during this period called hand-riding. And not the kind you’re thinking. Hand riding is the process of having the receiver place their hand over the givers and hitches a ride on their movements. If they want a stronger touch they can push down, if they want it softer they pull it back. Try not to guide your partner in how they are exploring too much, just the pressure.
Step 3: Add Lotion
Repeat steps one and two together but add lotion of oil. Masters and Johnson explain that “one of the ways of enhancing sensory awareness is to alter the medium of touch a bit. Since we don’t have volume control knobs on our fingertips, the next best thing is to try the same sensate focus exercise described in step 2 with the addition of a lotion or oil to add a slicker, silkier dimension to your touching.”
Step 4: Mutual Touching
Now that you have explored each other and equally given and received there is no need to take turns. Use your fingertips, hands, lips and tongue. However, Masters and Johnson suggest “that the first time or two you try this version of sensate focus, you still refrain from kissing and from attempting intercourse. These simple steps help to prevent you from just reverting to your old, tried and true sexual behaviour patterns. Remember, what you are trying to achieve here is a way of adding a new sensual dimension to your lives.” It's not about making it happen, rather about sensually enjoying each other's bodies.
Step 5: Sensual Intercourse
Now that you have gotten through the sensate focus touching its time to enjoy sensual intercourse and not sex. Make sure the sex is not mechanical, don't focus on thrusting and rushing towards an orgasm. Make the experience you have just felt expand to take over your entire body and mind. Give way to enjoying the feelings. If you’re concerned try the 9-5 technique from our next article Erotic Massage and how to avoid an unhappy ending . Masters and Johnson explain that “there is no right way or wrong way of doing things; instead, the goal is to find out what feels interesting and pleasurable.”
Begin by brushing genitals against each other, when inserted don't trust right away. Enjoy the sensations of warmth and touch. Breathe deeply and contract different muscles. Remove yourself and insert fingers before moving onto instinctive thrusting patterns. Hold off for as long as possible before jumping into the instinctual thrusting.