What to say to a masseuse
I’m going to tell you some of the things you can say to your masseuse to get a better massage and some of the things to avoid asking to ensure no awkwardness. This is all in humour but a guide for what to say to your masseuse... or what not to say... The list of kind things to say or ask a masseuse are endless some pretty general examples include:
- You’re beautiful
- You give a great massage
- You’re so funny
- Anything kind
What not to say to a masseuse:
This is all in jest, but also a little bit serious.
What’s your age?
This one is hard because it's so general. But sometimes revealing our true age can be detrimental to our privacy so we go up or down one or two years at times if there is a chance we may know you. As I’m getting older within this industry, I worry that when I answer this question honestly men move on to someone under the age of 23.
How long have you been working here?
What do you prefer me to be? A new and inexperienced masseuse, or an older masseuse with many men under my belt? I usually answer guys who ask this question with “how long do you want me to have worked here”
What's your real name?
Why would I give you a fake name to only give out my real name to everyone? Don’t ask. And if you do expect a real fake name from me. I’m here as the name I've given you not the name my mother gave me when she birthed me. Protect my privacy and I will yours, otherwise, i want your wife's name and number before I tell you my real name thanks.
Where do you live?
Why do you want to be neighbours? Do you want to run into each other at the coffee shop? Are you asking to avoid me? Maybe phrase this question next time as I live in this area _____, is there any chance I might run into you in the outside world. And I will not say your stage name in public don't worry.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Why ask this especially during a massage when I'm trying to get your off, the last thought you need is to imagine me with a boyfriend or multiple of my boyfriends! Better yet, ask me on a date for sure - but take the rejection well and then continue to come back again because you know its worth it.
If I make you enjoy it can I get it for free?
No. Not happening. If this wasn't a parlour I’d expect a date, which involves food, and a hell of a lot of effort, kindness and thoughtfulness - which doesn't have a price. The difference here is that you don't need a date with me, and you know you're going to get what you want. It's risk-free, so stop wasting your money on ladies outside of our parlour and just guarantee your success with us. It works out cheaper than multiple tinder dates.
Why is a girl like you doing in a place like this?
Because I am a smart and empowered woman who is making a legitimate income. Unless you want to pay me a salary right here and now, Thanks for visiting my office!
Hopefully, you get the humour of this article, and now you know exactly what to say to a masseuse!