Negative thought patterns that affect frame of mind.
Whether in relationships, when cheating, when stressed at work or at home the way we frame our thinking greatly changes the outcomes.
We carry with us ways of thinking that can actually negatively affect us. Recognising that thought patterns negatively affect how we approach situations and even blow them up is important to minimise emotional damage. For example, imagine any one of these thought patterns in relation to finding out your partner just cheated on you.
There is no middle ground, anything short of perfect is a failure. I.e your partner cheating is not a breach of trust, but not entirely a deal-breaker.
One example of a bad thing means it will continue to happen. This could mean seeing all contacts with the opposite sex as cheating in the future.
Filtering out the positive so you focus on the negative situations. For example, forgetting everything thoughtful your partner has done for you because of one breach of trust.
Jumping to conclusions:
Assuming how someone feels towards you, assuming motivation behind the behaviour, assuming negative outcomes for future events. Assuming they will cheat again, assuming any text coming in is from another lover.
Magnification or minimization:
Minor mistakes or actions turn into monumental situations. This is often aided by mental filtering discounting positives. Blowing up small mistakes into huge fights.
Assuming your negative emotion to a situation is the truth. Trusting emotion over reason. Yes, trust your gut - but always be open to the fact that we always misinterpret things.
Telling your partner they should or shouldn't have acted one way or another guilts them and you into action. Instead, replace should with” I would be more comfortable if you could _____ because it makes me feel____.” This removes the blame from the action and brings your feelings into action. Shifting it from blame to helpful conversation.
If you or your partner blame each other for things you have no control over or even blame each other for negative situations. Blame isn't a solution, its an end. If you want to get through something recognise that shifting the blame does not find a fix-it just dwells on the issue.
Asking for permission is entirely different from having an open and informed communication with your partner. Find your own path and build your own relationship, be open and honest and work together to build a better communication style. If you want to read more about cheating have a look at some older articles: