Cheating vs an Open Relationship
What is cheating?
Infidelity is an umbrella term for sexual intercourse outside of a relationship, however, cheating can be more emotional than it is physical. Building strong platonic-ish bonds, Coveting people as potential partners while still in a relationship, or getting into “soft” situations, where it’s risky but not pushing the limit. These are all risky behaviours which could be considered cheating by one partner and not another. Open relationships are frequently seen during transitionary phases. With open relationships becoming more popular and even a great transitionary phase from casual to committed relationships. It’s important to discuss what the limits of your open relationship are.
Why do people cheat?
You can cheat in a polyamorous relationship, monogamy doesn’t solve the problems of cheating. An open relationship creates as many issues as they solve, they’re not a solution. They might be a fit for you and your partner. Being open about discussion wants needs and boundaries is important to any healthy relationship. If there is no discussion then to go behind our loved ones back is deceitful. There are many theories as to why people cheat such as: feeling inadequate, wanting to feel more loved, attempts to regain authority, reclaiming back power. All of these are linked to our sense of self, confidence esteem and even freedom. When held to a rigid standard of a relationship such as not being able to tell your partner someones attractive, or express anything, can result in cheating to restore your sense of self.
Emotional cheating is entirely different from a sex affair.
Most love affairs really are transient… and shouldn't be taken as seriously as the real deal which is filled with emotion, trust and security. Now, I'm not to saying you can't have an emotional connection with people other than your main partner. But you should be careful as emotional cheating can hurt more than physical. Imagine sitting next to your partner and knowing they're contacting another person or waiting to get away from you. If that's the point you're at you should be reassessing your primary relationship entirely. If you're just not getting busy all the time, or your partner doesn't have eyes for you, the insecurity sure can propel you to someone else. Although to build a strong emotional connection that has all facets of a relationship without the title can be considered cheating. Modern women are often okay with the thought of their man visiting a sex worker or having a side chick when out of town on business, as they are confident in themselves and their relationship to let a transient affair blossom and die out. Some even are interested in dating together or seeking a unicorn.
Side chicks and sex workers keep relationships alive.
They're not a love affair, they're a sex affair. Just as the honeymoon phase of a relationship involves bountiful amounts of sex, as does a side sex affair, long term relationships go through phases, just as you get sick of your favourite cereal or dessert, you can lose the sexual spark for the one you love most. This doesn’t mean that it won’t come back, but external factors in life affect your most personal relationships. If you can destigmatise side chicks and tell your woman do so. Honesty is the best policy... But not when it causes harm to another.
How to discuss it?
Time place and wording, before not after the act, that just becomes a confession. If you're telling your partner you have cheated or want to see another person be prepared to face the consequences. Do it with etiquette... Don't say I'm sick of you being moody all the time, say i need some space and so do you to collect our thoughts. When fucking your girl don't repedeatly tell her that you would love her to eat another girl out... She might begin to feel like she's not enough for you.
Questions to discuss with your partner
Just as you would a business deal, know the finer details of your relationship. Not that relationships are business, but you should treat them with as much care and consideration as you do business. Here are some questions to consider asking.
If you don’t define what cheating is for each other, have you cheated?
Is watching porn alone cheating?
Is commenting or liking hot girls photos cheating?
Is grinding in the club cheating?
Is harmless flirting with strangers cheating?
Is perving or discussing another’s attractiveness cheating?
Is being emotionally available for a new person over your partner emotional cheating? (emotional, building for romance)
If you’re not getting laid in your relationship and seek it elsewhere is it cheating?
If you gotten all the way up to sex and then changed your mind, have you cheated?
What's wrong with cheating… The act itself, or the person finding out?
Is the act itself wrong or is it the harm caused to the person you love.
Does it destroy the relationship? The trust?
If you cheat are you a bad person? Or is it contextual? Have they grown from it?
Should you have to disclose past cheating to a new partner?
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Is having dinner with someone other than your partner cheating?
Soft situations- getting close to but not rooting, eg. not having sex but hanging out behind closed doors all night together. Or getting close and having to stop yourself?
If you have a threesome and then you have sex with that person again without telling your partner, or them knowing the slightest is it a form of cheating?
What if it's just open in action, not communication, and by sharing your experiences you're harming your partner. Before entering a relationship you need to question your value, worth, wants and needs. If you cant assess this and don't know, how can you expect?
Is intentional flirting with a goal different from harmless flirting?
If it's not fully communicated, eg open in communication and transparency vs open but don't tell me what you did.
What are the terms, do these change throughout time?
How often will we have relationship check-ins?
Are we both confident in our trust and love for each other?
Will we work to ensure each other's emotions, needs and concerns are taken care of?