SHOULD WE HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE?
You would think that even in today’s sexually liberated society this question would have fizzled out to become a non-issue, but that’s simply not the case. Unfortunately, women in today’s society are as cautious about their personal image as they were in the 50’s. Now I’m not saying it’s not right to be concerned about how other people view you, but considering men seemingly and notoriously brag about their sexual prowess as a part of their masculine persona, why then can’t women feel free to do the same?
As women we are socially conditioned through the ages, to believe there is certain way we must think and behave and as human beings, we are also conditioned to view a woman’s role in society in a certain light as well. This type of conditioning has created a kind of fear amongst women about what we can and cannot do or say in our public lives, setting ourselves up for extremely harsh judgement not only by others but more importantly, of ourselves. Where men tend to jokingly brag about sexual conquests, women often hide behind a veil of shame. It’s bad enough we judge ourselves harshly and seemingly without consequence, but the reality that we are vilified by other women, is a huge shame upon our own sex. Well there are consequences of thinking and behaving this way, diminished confidence, isolation, future progression and possibly hindering chances of successful and meaningful relationships, are some of the consequences of harbouring this mindset. The fact that if we choose to have sex with someone on the first date, we have to worry about such things as reputation, work relations, family or religion is a huge weight to carry when personal choice should be the front runner, not other’s perceptions. It really is all about personal choice, and the choice being ours, there is no right or wrong when it comes to the question of having sex on a first date.
For me the way I like to approach sex on first dates is to hold off. One of my previous lovers and I had incredible sexual chemistry and even though we could have quite easily torn one another’s clothes off within the first hour of our first date, we held off. We had at least nine dates before we actually had sex, and let me tell you it was explosive. I’m not saying there wasn’t lots of groping, there was, but holding off for us meant we were able to get to know each other better. We got to feel out what direction we wanted things to go, if it was going to be a one off fuck, great so be it and if it went beyond that then that was fine too.
The key is to be completely honest with yourself and the other person. As we can’t expect men to take charge in open dialogue, we have to take it upon ourselves to lead the way. Approach a first date like an interview, think about what it is you need and what outcome you would like, and have a think about what you’ll do if the outcome isn’t a favourable one. Don’t take things too seriously, if the date is going to lead to a relationship then it will, you can’t force things. The thing is women should never be scared to be honest with their counterpart, if you’re after a relationship then be honest, but at the same time make it clear that you know what, you’re also ok with a bit of fun. There’s nothing wrong with a one night stand, we’re allowed to enjoy our bodies too just as men are and walk away without guilt. So don’t force things and don’t judge yourselves too harshly either. Men appreciate a bit of honesty and a woman who is confident enough to say what she wants and to also admit that hey, if this isn’t the way forward then I’m also ok with a bit of this too, it’s about expressing your freedom of choice and being ok with that.
So why not have sex on the first date if that’s what you want, who’s holding you back, it’s time women took the upper hand and took charge of our own sexual prowess. And we don’t need to go bragging to anyone about our conquests, that will shine through in your new found confidence!
Nothing wrong with an incredible one nighter lovers!!!
Love Lexi XXX