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WHY RESPECT IS SO IMPORTANT TO MEN.

 

     Having been married for close to two decades, I’ve certainly run the gamut of tumultuous feelings I have for my soul mate. Some of the feelings have been good but at times they’ve also been bad, they all go through the motions. Thinking back, one of the feelings I harboured towards my husband is one I now feel ashamed of having ever felt. At one stage I lost respect for my dear friend & lover. It wasn’t something I consciously chose to feel, it just kind of happened. It was during a time where he was out of work, he was made redundant & it took him a long time to gain employment again. It was during this out of work period that I started to see him as less of a man & as I said earlier I’m ashamed now to say I lost respect for him. Now I’ve always, and I stress always, held my husband in the highest regard, he is the best man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, but something changed during those difficult days.

     As women one of the things we look for when finding our lifelong partners, is stability & the ability to provide for us & the future family we hope to have. The reality is we don’t tend to be drawn to men that do not have the means to support us. The reason we’re not drawn to men without means is simple, we cannot respect a man whom we may have to work to financially support. Now I don’t mean we look for rich men, I just mean ones who are able to support. Yes there is the wanton abandonment of love, but running on puppy love alone unfortunately doesn’t make for a lasting relationship. It’s very much a primeval way of thinking, it’s as important to women now as it was in Neolithic times.

     Another reason women tend to lose respect for their men is an inability to stand up for themselves, to have their own voice, to be firm with us in their convictions. I’m in no way saying women want brutes for husbands, just ones who have enough respect for themselves as to not allow themselves to be used as doormats. Funnily enough, even though women think they want their own way all of the time & think they want their men to give in to every single whim they have, in truth it’s not actually the case. We do still want our men to have their own will. In a strange way when our men walk around under foot all the time, meekly agreeing to everything we say & do, we do tend to lose that respect for their manhood. The reason is pretty simple, when a man no longer has respect for himself as to have his own opinions, then it’s a given that people around him will also lose that respect for them. It’s the idea that when someone has respect & dignity for themselves & loves their person, then others in turn will feel the same way about them.

     There are many other reasons we respect our men & for the same reasons we can lose that respect. An ability to mature & grow when called for, being able to have emotional & intellectual intelligence, moral fibre & manners. All those things are things we respect in men. In some way we also want to know our men can stand up for us & protect us when in need. I’m not saying we want men who love to fight, but something inside us wants the assurity that we can be protected when in danger.

     Unbeknownst to my husband & I, our relationship dynamic was shifting during the time he was out of work. As I became the bread winner my husband’s traditional view of his manhood was being tested. It has & still is extremely important to him to be able to provide for his family & the longer he was out of work the less he saw himself being able to fulfil his duty. He lost all respect for himself, & to some extent he started behaving meekly, almost a weakened shell of his former self. The longer being out of work went on the worse he got. And in the end, without either of us realising, I lost respect too. I started to begrudge him, which was wrong. Even though outwardly I supported him & tried to boost him, you cannot betray true feelings between two people as connected as ourselves. What I should have been doing was raising my expectations of him as I used to so that he could raise himself to those expectations, instead I did the reverse & it did more damage. Eventually things got better & good times were renewed. You see what I should never have forgotten was that my husband is an amazing man & there are so many reasons why I respect that man, one of those being the faith I have in him & his drive & commitment. I doubted him when he doubted himself, & I should never have doubted him.

     There’s no use harping on about losing respect for someone when you’re the one that’s helping them lose that respect. Even though it’s  easy to let it happen, we really as the emotionally intelligent women that we are, should think about our own role & how we can help to retain that oh so important thing that all men need. By wholeheartedly believing in someone & their abilities, especially when it comes to our men, then that ladies is, what you call respect.

 

Love Lexi XXX